Definition: The denial of the real self based on an erroneous assumption that love, acceptance, security, success, closeness, and salvation are all dependent upon one's ability to do the "right" thing.
Kinda deep, hugh? Well, here's a more simple description, definition: "I don't feel good about myself till I make you feel good about yourself."
Here are some statements the typical codependent person might use in a conversation:
It may be that none of these statements in and of themselves are particularly unhealthy. When the codependent person uses them, they are another indication that we are putting other's wants and needs before our own. And, many times, the codependent person decides for the person they are codependent what that person wants and or needs.
I believe fear drives most codependency. Fear of what? How about being afraid that if you don't take control of the person you are codependent with, then they will not be O. K. In reality, you are enhancing the other person's "weaknesses". You are not allowing them to grow. You are afraid that somehow, if you don't make them do it right, and they don't do well then you are at fault. The really nasty thing about this is that even if the codependent person does everything "right", the other person is likely to continue to use drugs, make poor decisions, be lazy, etc.
"If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes."
Dr. Candace McDaniel
8021 East Thornton FWY, Suite A
Dallas, Texas 75228
Call (214) 328-4848 or
for more information