Recovery is a Journey

"We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard but our own approval is worth a hundred of it…"  Mark Twain

Many of us have thought that if we tried a little harder we could please our parents; or if we were just a little better looking other people would be more likely to accept us, etc., etc. Some of us have spent an extreme amount of time, money, and effort in an almost constant attempt to gain approval. And, at times, it seems like our efforts are worth it.

After a while, most of us have found out that all that effort is not worth it. We found out that the harder we worked at being better, at trying not to make any mistakes, the worse we felt about ourselves. We just couldn't be good enough. The expectations were just too high. The disappointments came too often. Some of us gave up. We couldn't find a way to approve of ourselves that wasn't superficial. We relapsed back into substance abuse, or we stayed clean, sober, and miserable.

Last January, our newsletter was about happiness and values. So is this one. The path to approval that is worthwhile is pretty simple.

First, determine your true values. Values are things like honesty, hard work, loyalty, family, creativity, friendship, religion, health, and self respect.

Second, live life in a way that shows your values, no matter what. Sometimes, it is hard to live by our values. If we do this, we will be happy with ourselves, not necessarily with our circumstances, no matter what happens. We will find that the approval we have been searching for has been inside of us all along.

"The toughest thing about being a success is that you have to keep on being a success."

"Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction."

"Don't confuse fame with success; Madonna is one, Helen Keller is the other."

"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him."

How To Be a Problem Solver

1. Identify the problem. Be as specific as possible.
2. Generate all the possible options for solutions. At first, do not judge any of your choices. Even wild ideas are welcomed.
3. Now, eliminate any obviously poor choices.
4. Examine the remaining options one at a time. What are the possible negative consequences of each option? List all of the possible positive outcomes of each option. Eliminate any option if it is generally negative. Now, compare all the remaining options.
5. Share your ideas with those you trust. People who are good for you and reliable.
6. Select the most positive option.
7. Now, think, "How can I best do this?" Come up with a measurable and realistic plan. You may want to call on those people again.
8. Spend some time in meditation or prayer and turn the problem and the solution over to your higher power.
9. Do it.

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