The Twelve Steps of Relapse

1. I decided I could handle any emotional problem if other people would just quit trying to run my life.
2. I firmly believe there is no power greater than myself and anyone who says differently is insane.
3. I made a decision to remove my will and my life from God, who didn't understand me anyhow.
4. I made a searching and thorough inventory of everyone I know, so they couldn't fool me and take advantage of my good nature.
5. I sought these people out and tried to get them to admit the nature of their wrongs.
6. I became willing to help these people get rid of their defects of character.
7. I was humble enough to ask these people to remove their shortcomings.
8. I kept a list of all the people who had harmed me and waited patiently for a chance to get even with them.
9. I get even with these people whenever possible, except when to do so would get me into trouble too.
10. I continued to take everyone's inventory and when they were wrong, which is most of the time, I promptly made them admit it.
11. I have sought through the concentration of my will power to get God, who didn't understand me anyhow, to see that my ideas were better and He ought to give me the power to carry them out.
12. Having maintained my emotional problems with these steps, I can thoroughly recommend them to others who don't want to lose their hard earned status, but wish to be left alone to practice neurosis in everything they do for the rest of their days.