"We make a living by what we make. We make a life by what we give."
One of the basic psychological needs of all human beings is the need to feel accepted. It just feels good to believe we have a place to belong, a place to fit in and be productive. So, if this is a basic need, what gets in the way of us all getting that need met, all the time? Some writers would say it is fear.
Fear of what? Rejection? Laziness? A self-image that tells us we aren't worth the effort or that others are not worth the effort. A fear that if we open up and give of ourselves, more will be expected of us than we are willing to give? Is it fear of being vulnerable, of becoming more of a target than we think we are already? Do we think that if we open up, if we get fully involved in a recovering community, we may reveal too much or folks will figure out too much. Then they would know the genuine truth about our inadequacies and wouldn't have anything to do with us. We've felt that feeling before. It's not fun. So, we clam up or do we fight off that need or want for genuine acceptance by becoming a bit arrogant.
We can actually have such a grand and inflated view of ourselves that we cannot possibly live up to it in reality. We have so much smoke and mirrors in our lives that genuine openness is next to impossible. Deep down we know that others know the truth but, we just keep talking the talk without really saying anything or sharing the truth.
Genuine humility and self acceptance produce the willingness to give what we have of ourselves right now, without waiting until we are more accomplished, or more of anything. What we have to share is what someone else may need to hear. By focusing more on the needs of others and less on our fear, games, and ego, we learn to give and be a part of a fellowship without reluctance or hidden agendas.
"While overcoming close-mindedness is essential to recovery, believing "there is one who is all powerful" is not a requirement of membership. AA promulgates unity not uniformity. For me, belief is more like a favorite color than a right or wrong answer on a game show. I don't defend my favorite color nor do I care what someone else's preference is."
Every one's pain is individual; each person's pain management should be individual too. If you are seeing a physician for the treatment of pain, please have a conversation with them in regard to the above options.
Please also consider the spiritual possibilities of pain management. Some folks would place a lot of credibility on prayer and meditation. Quite possibly, the best approach for many of us is a multi-disciplined one.
Dr. Candace McDaniel
8021 East Thornton FWY, Suite A
Dallas, Texas 75228
Call (214) 328-4848 or
for more information