Recovery is a Journey

"When we search less, we find more."    Rick Bingham

Pretty often, I get asked, "How can a person be happy? I just want to be happy." I know there's been a lot written about happiness and how to find self-fulfillment. I think it is really very simple: Decide what your values are and then live that way. There are principles to notice.

1. Being happy with yourself is not the same as being happy with your circumstances. Being satisfied with how things are going is not genuine or lasting happiness. It is totally dependent on your health, how your job is going, how your relationships are faring, how much money you have, how good your kids are doing with their school work, etc. Many times, people have all the right things and all the right people and are still incredibly unhappy.
2. Values that are not shown in our daily lives are not really values at all. They are only neat ideas.
3. Many times, following through with our values will create unhappy circumstances. Now, I am not talking about the "red-neck" comedy hour kind of situation of openly answering the question: "Honey, do you think I look fat in this dress?" Openly answering that question would definitely create some unhappiness for both parties. What I am addressing is overtly lying to those we come into contact with daily. For instance, an individual may say that one of their values is to not steal from anyone, for any reason. That same person admits they take an extra 10 minutes break at work whenever they can get away with it. One of the reasons that person struggles with feeling a true sense of happiness will be because they are not truly abiding by their values. Another example would be someone who says they value their health, but keep on smoking. True self-esteem comes from living our values.
4. If we are living by our values, there will be people in our lives who can confirm that we actually do what we say we believe.

So, what are values? Values are what is important to us. Here is a list of possible values:

Now, pick your values, ones that you believe are the most important to you. The next step is to be brutally honest with yourself. Do you really live by your values…even when it is hard to do so? And finally, ask someone who knows you well if they think you live up to your values. Their answers may be surprising to you.

How are you feeling about yourself? If you are truly living by your values, you probably feel pretty good about yourself no matter what your circumstances. This is what having positive self-esteem is all about! What if your answer is you are not feeling very good about yourself? Then, it is time to take a hard look at how you are, or how you are not living up to your values. Next, change your behavior to match those values.

Living this way will not bring you a new car, a better house, a great job, or a good looking lover. What is will give you is peace of mind, the kind that is hard to explain, just accept.

"The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment."

"My mother taught me very early to believe I could achieve any accomplishment I wanted to. The first was to walk without braces."

"Stop the mindless wishing that things be different. Rather than wasting time and emotional and spiritual energy in explaining why we don't have want we want, we can start to pursue other ways to get it."

"A thought which does not result in an action is nothing much, and an action which does not proceed from a thought is nothing at all."

"If you don't change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?"

"It is better to believe than to disbelieve, in so doing you bring everything to the realm of possibility."

"To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money…and that is sincerity and integrity."

"A long, healthy, and happy life is the result of making contributions, of having meaningful projects that are personally exciting and contribute to and bless the lives of others."

"Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest."

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