Recovery is a Journey

Sweet Surrender

The process of recovery is sometimes decribed as having three levels of experience: Defiance, Compliance, and Surrender. Defiance is pretty simple to spot. When we are in that level, we say "No" to recovery on the inside and on the outside. While we are in the compliance level of recovery we say "Yes" on the outside, while we are saying "No" on the inside. And finally, when we reach the level of surrender or acceptance, we are saying "Yes" to the ideas and insights of recovery on the inside and on the outside.

Defiance and compliance are behaviors and states of mind that require a lot of energy to maintain. This is probably why folks in these stages of recovery seem to be so tired and oh so angry! Those who allow themselves to grow into the nurturing that accompanies both surrender and acceptance find they have lots of energy and lots of emotion. There may still be some anger. It is used for maturing and deepening a relationship with the higher power.

One of the attitudes that characterizes defiance is denial. The books define denial as an "unconscious defense mechanism that keeps the addicted person from seeing the negative consequences of the addictive behavior." I am not sure I totally buy into this definition. I think denial starts out, not as an unconscious defense mechanism, but as a very conscious one: "It ain't me!" Then after we've done this for a while, it does become unconscious, unplanned, or even unprovoked. Our character has changed. We say we are not liars, yet we lie. We say we believe in honesty, yet we are dishonest. We say we are not crazy, yet we do so many insane things. The way back is to accept our powerlessness over the addiction.

A while back, I asked several of our clients to give me some words to describe denial. Below are those words or phrases:

• Lying
• Can't
• Won't
• Not Me
• Refuse
• Impossible
• Not a river
• not trying
• Refute
• Cheating

Sometimes people leave recovery. They get frustrated and angry, and just stop coming to the program. Excuses are made. Sometimes those folks come back to recovery. A common answer made by those folks for why they left to begin with is this: "I was just being stubborn." The principles of recovery have been working for a lot of people, for a lot of years. Where are you in these stages of recovery? Why not make an appointment with your counselor to talk about it?

Life Lessons - 2

1. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
2. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
3. Forgive everyone everything.
4. What other people think of you is none of your business.
5. Time heals almost everything. Give time…time.
6. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
7. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
8. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
9. Get outside every day.

Thoughts About Attitudes in America

• 96% of America's physicians and the general poplulation do not believe that treatment works.
• 94% of Americans believe that AA/NA is a waste of time.
• "Most" Americans believe those with alcohol or other drug problems are simply weak-willed or immoral.
• 75% of employers will hire a non-recovering person when there are equally qualified recovering candidates.
• 60% of Americans believe that stigma exists against recovering perons.

Prevalence of Alcohol Dependence

Percentages are compared with total population.

"The ability to face problems is necessary to stay clean. If we had problems in the past, it is unlikely that simple abstinence will solve these problems. Guilt and worry can keep us from living in the here and now. Many of us believe we cannot possibly have a happy life without drugs (or alcohol). Self obsession is the core of our disease."